After a bad day it can be hard to get to sleep. Replaying stressful conversations over and over in your mind can leave you feeling worse than when they actually happened. The more you focus on things, the stronger they get.
Understanding that we aren’t our thoughts but the being that thinks them, gives us options. It’s very difficult to change our core identity but much easier to change our beliefs and behaviours. With a little practise, you can choose your thoughts.
When you find a way to turn that self-talk into a positive message, you can start to talk to yourself with kindness and understanding. Once you’ve stopped criticising, you can encourage. At first it might be hard to say nice things to yourself but with a little help, your confidence will grow. Hypnotherapy does just this; it pulls up the weeds and puts in a rose bed. It teaches you to use your imagination for your own good.
I find gratitude helps me to be a nicer person so every night I spend a minute thinking of the things that I am grateful for. It’s okay to start with the basics- health, food and the roof over your head. As it becomes easier you can search for qualities like tolerance, forgiveness and kindness. You’ll find them, perhaps they’re just hidden from view. Be grateful for the learning that each day brings.
You can keep a gratitude journal, writing down five things a day that you enjoyed or are glad for. Use your imagination and write down some things that you’d like to have happen. Complete it every night before you go to bed.
Here is something very powerful and it only takes a minute. Before you go to bed, find a nice quiet spot and make yourself comfortable. Starting with breakfast, use your imagination to review the day and change every scene that didn’t go well for you. Make a movie that you’re happy with. Was someone unkind and you reacted badly? In this new movie you kept your cool and stayed in control. Now you were patient with the kids instead of snappy.
It won’t change the past but it will change how you deal with the future. Learn to rehearse good feelings instead of going over old ground.
Here’s another thing. Give yourself credit for the progress you have made. Are you still the person you were twenty years ago? How are you stronger, wiser, better off? If it’s not obvious, do your research, write it all down. You’ll find plenty of things. I’d enjoy hearing from you about your journey. What did you do to change the direction you were heading? Did you change the way you spoke to yourself?